What Really Causes Depression?
My theory about mental energy (Journal #3)
I’ve been wondering what really causes depression. Because I haven’t found a common thread in my life. There’s nothing physically wrong with me anymore, so that shouldn’t be an issue. There are also no immediate major life events that would cause grief.
So what is it? My answers are: I don’t know, and it’s many things.
The first time I got depressed, it was because I was living “someone else’s life”, so to speak. I did what I learned was needed to be done for a happy life: get good grades at school, get a high-paying job, buy a car and a house, commit to a relationship, advance your career, and so on.
That’s what I did because it was the only way I knew how to live life. But it wasn’t for me. Everything I did was misaligned with my values, purpose, and passion.
Looking back, I’m certain now that it was draining my mental energy and causing me to become anxious and depressed.
Depression = low energy?
Once I started to pursue goals that were meaningful to me and figured out my “purpose”, the path I want to follow in life, life started to seem brighter and I started to feel much, much happier.
But now, I’m not so sure. I’m doing fine. I can still pursue my big goals while doing something meaningful. I can fulfil my purpose daily. But something’s off, something’s missing.
My suspicion is that is has to do with energy. Mental energy to be precise.
You can think of energy as fuel for your body-mind-complex (they are indeed one systems that only seems to function as two different parts). It’s not unlike fueling your car or charging your phone’s battery: Once the fuel runs out, you can’t do anything. And when running on fumes, it’s not good for your system.
So mental energy is the true currency over time and perhaps even money.
If you don’t have energy, it’s no use trying to “hustle” or just find an hour a day to improve your life. It becomes mentally and physically impossible to do anything when energy is drained.
Then what drains our mental energy?
What drains our energy?
There are many things at play here. As I mentioned, my previous depression was caused by living a life that was not aligned with my values, passions or purpose. It is draining, because you are constantly burning mental energy to fight who you truly are and keeping up appearances. It’s in fact a major energy leak.
I’ve read about this in ‘The Happiness Track’ by Emma Seppälä. It’s not like most of us have jobs that physically exhaust us. We sit in office chairs and car seats during the day; our bodies don’t require that much energy to do so.
Yet, we feel exhausted when coming home from work. Why is that? If you said it’s the mental fatigue, you were correct. Our jobs require us to exhaust our mental energy by overloading us with tasks and endless meetings.
If our jobs are not aligned with what we really want to do in life, we are constantly fighting our innermost values, hopes and dreams, and that keeps draining our energy.
A good analogy is a hole in a barrel. You are the barrel, but your job (or any other energy sink) is a hole in that barrel. You can only fill the barrel up to that hole. Any fuller and the hole will drain out the excess.
Our relationships can also recharge or drain our energy.
There can be negative thoughts going through your head, either consciously or subconsciously, that burn your energy.
Your body requires energy to keep going; any deficiencies in nutrition, sleep, or exercise will require your body to work overtime, burning your energy.
There may be “energy blocks” in your mind in the form of trauma, old non-beneficial (towards your goals) beliefs, negative habitual behaviours etc.
It can be many things.
Healing requires “plugging the holes”
But perhaps depression is “one hole too many” in your barrel of energy. Once too much mental energy leaks out, you’re left running on fumes.
At least that’s what I feel like right now.
So the fix would be to plug these holes in the barrel, one by one, starting with the biggest ones.
As you may have gathered, plugging the holes requires close examination of both physical and mental factors. What I haven’t yet mentioned is that there’s also a spiritual part of you that requires attention as well. There could be “spiritual energy leaks” as well.
Mental well-being cannot be separated from physical and spiritual well-being, as they are all one system. Well-being is truly holistic, requiring you to get to know your body, mind and spirit, and learning how to work with them.
Thank you for reading. I hope you find help, hope, or inspiration in my journey. If you do, please consider subscribing and sharing so that others may find help as well.